Post 4a, who knew

Date: Monday, 27/6/11

Time: 10:58pm

My Mood: upset, heartbroken

At the momment I'm: practically bawling my eyes out

 

This is the reason I'm philophobic. This is why I find it so hard to trust people. This is why people call me pessemistic. This is why people say I'm always depressed and make a joke out of it. Just fyi to those people who call me pessemistic, depressed, over dramatic and all that, I'm not okay. If you really knew everything I've been through, everything I'm going through, you wouldn't be saying that. Even if I did tell you, you'd probably be more considerate but not understand completely. Yes I am aware that there are worse off people than me. I'm aware of the world around me. I know more things than people may think. And people will say "wow she's heartbroken so what, there are worse things in life" but what you don't understand is that yes there are worse things but for a teen girl, four people to hurt her in a space of five months is a lot to go through. It hurts. It pains. It keeps me awake crying and praying for better luck tomorrow and that one day I'll get over it. It keeps me awake praying that I'll find someone that won't hurt me, that will like me, love me, for who I am, not the mask I put on. And yes there are other people in the same situation as me but I'm me. I'm in my shoes. I know how it feels like for me, not everyone else as well. Everyone has their own burden and for the time being this is mine and I'm doing the best I can to carry it without breaking down. It gets too much to handle sometimes. I don't see the flaws in people thats my problem. I don't see the bad in them. I'm too naive. I think "their nice they won't hurt me they make me feel good about myself so I'll let myself fall for them" but I always end up getting hurt because of my stupidity.

 

Subject of Drama 4. Who knew that he could hurt me without even liking me? I'm torn apart. Can't wait to get away from it all tomorrow, but I know the thoughts will follow me overseas.

There's no escape.

 

Till next time. Wish me luck

Philophobic girl

xxx

 

P.s when i was refering to "you" throughout my rant, I don't mean you as in the reader, I meant some people I know. Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it all out. I'm hurt and upset.

 

Safe holidays to all xxx